Let’s Have a Baby.

Let’s Have a Baby.

 

 

As promised, here is a page from my diary, I have chosen one I wrote a little while ago, before becoming a mum. There will be a few more ” old ones”, dating back to when I gave birth to my first child, right up to my second time.
Keep in mind that this is a real journal, which I have not edited for the blog purpose, with the exception of a few grammar corrections. As a result, some days my writing skills were obfuscated by my emotions, so bear with me

February 2011

Dear diary,

since the day my boyfriend said ” let’s have a baby” and I said yes, I had mixed emotions. Never in my life I have felt this way. I am not sure what came over me, what made me say yes so quickly. I am pretty sure it is not my clock ticking, because until a month ago I wasn’t even remotely thinking about children. Not that I don’t like children, you know I do, I even worked with children and remember that time as an amazing one. All I can say is that it felt right, and my boyfriend is probably the reason. I can’t imagine now, anyone else being the father of my children. So…I am excited and scared at the same time. I am not 20 years old, and I am wondering if it is going to take a long time for me to get pregnant…
Pregnant…even just saying the words now gives me chills…

“And all sort of questions come to my head, will it even happen? What if doesn’t? Will I be disappointed? Will he? Will I be happy?”

I tried to act cool, calm, like I am in not rush to see those two lines on a pregnancy test but….to you I can tell the truth. I CAN’T wait! I AM absolutely dreading that moment and the feeling that will come with it, because I have no idea what that feeling will be, but between you and me: YES I CAN’T WAIT. And all sort of questions come to my head:

will it even happen?

What if doesn’t?

Will I be disappointed?

Will he?

Will I be happy? Will I feel straight away like a mum? Will I be able to cope with the pregnancy? How will I except the changes in my body? I mean…I am going jogging everyday, will I miss that? Will I feel fat and unattractive? But most of all, Am I made to be a mum? A good mum?

All this and more is going through my mind right now, and although I know that nobody can answer these questions for me, I surely wish right now that you could. I wish these pages could talk and answer back to alleviate at least a bit of apprehension. Well…let’s just wait and see. My period is due in a month, I will keep you updated.

Stefania.

 

 

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