When You Look For Moms Solidarity On Social Networks, But Find Merciless Judgments And Clashing Opinions!

When You Look For Moms Solidarity On Social Networks, But Find Merciless Judgments And Clashing Opinions!

 Far from Moms solidarity, mothers today are at war behind a keyboard, hovering between merciless judgments, clashing opinions and misinformation.

Moms on social networks are battling it out on a daily basis!

Sounds familiar?

When I fell pregnant with my first child, I felt totally unprepared. I considered myself still immature ( at the age of 37…) to take on this motherhood business.
Therefore, I started to think of ways that could prepare me for that role; I thought I needed a little training.
However, I had already sworn I would never become one of those first time moms constantly GOOGLING every little doubt, so I chose the next best thing:

Joining an online forum, or a dedicated Facebook page, you know, to gather information and be prepared…
I would soon learn there, how for some moms it all starts from when they decide to try to conceive a child.
Because here come the first contradicting advises:.

There are those that say: “do not think about it, relax and baby will come..”

While others: “You must know your fertile days, get fertility kits, check out conceiving positions etc…” ( I didn’t even know that was a THING!)

“With a thousand moms, there are thousands different ways to live motherhood.”

Then you get pregnant and:

Some will feel a compelling duty to clarify that “pregnancy is not a disease, I ran the New York marathon the day before giving birth” (OK).

Some others: “Better to be safe: I lie down on the sofa from the positive test and I go to the emergency room at every doubt”.

Then your baby is born.

And BOOM!

From this point forward it is total, full-blown, freaking delirium!

Breastfeed, do not breastfeed, how long you must breastfeed. Give artificial milk, do not give artificial milk, how you prepare it, how you give it, feed by request, feed on a schedule. He sleeps, he does not sleep, where he sleeps, Mom’s bed yes, mommy’s bed no, let him cry, if he cries you’re a monster, you cover him too much you’re apprehensive, his back is a little uncovered he will die from a cold.
You go back to work you are degenerate, you do not work you are a failure. You dare go out one evening leaving the baby to the grandparents, “why did you have child then?” You do not go out more: “Must find time for yourself!”. TV no, TV yes. Weaning, no weaning, vegan, non vegan, a bit and a bit, homemade baby food, commercial baby food, gluten-free, non gluten-free. Pacifier yes, pacifier no, etc…

Social network are the reign of CLASHING advises and opinions.
But what does this mean in practice? Except that, with a thousand moms, there are thousands different ways to live motherhood?

This “war of the mothers” I think, has roots in two phenomena well rooted in the Internet age:

-Desire of exposure.

-Fake information.

The first is a diffuse syndrome. Above all among women.The syndrome to have
the perfect image.
That of the Perfect Mother, who does not hesitate, who has the right answer and happy children and gives always the perfect advice.
A simple daily event, on Facebook is amplified to the ninth degree, and to try to be this impeccable being, it is a stress that is added to the already difficult job of being a mother.
But, for some moms, especially during the first (boring, tiring, full, alienating) months of the child’s life, confronting and clashing on social networks is a national sport: free, distracting from the difficult monotony of life with a newborn baby,  something that gives the illusion of keeping in touch with the world. It is almost a mother’s way of saying: “I exist too”.

As for FAKE information, it is the phenomenon for which you only need to read half of the article on the web without verifying the source and you feel like a guru on the subject. There are so many wrong information on the internet about pregnancy, early childhood, breastfeeding, sleeping habits, etc… and they spread like wildfire! Some don’t even bother with half the article, but stop at the title and they know it all!

It would be great to end “this war of the mothers”, but it would be even better to end misinformation. To end the judging ( at time plain shaming) of those who make different choices, to make a common effort to spread the correct knowledge.
It would be nice – if we want to talk about the hottest hot topic of the moment – if every mother who does not breastfeed, did so by choice, and not, with suffering, or because not helped or badly informed, for example. Or if the woman who gets pregnant while nursing, she did out of desire, not because “it is said that until the cycle returns you can not conceive”.

All it takes is the will to judge less, inform ourselves and others better and more.

<MsW>

 

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